An excerpt from a conversation on identity
I think or rather believe that your humanity (i.e you as a human before any form of division/segregation), morals, values, spirituality — whether it is rooted in religion or not, sense of purpose (sometimes this intertwines with your career), relationships (all forms), and experiences make up your identity. These things are internal and personal, they are at your very core because they make you, you. They are things that you work on all through your journey in life and they become so strong that they do not waver in the face of external validation/disregard. As such, you can always tie your identity to these things.
Now sometimes, you might struggle with any of these because life in itself isn’t always a smooth ride but it doesn’t invalidate them or make them any less part of you. I even think that when you’re struggling, some of these things are what gives you conviction that you can overcome the situation. Also, as you grow, these things also evolve because you have new or broader experiences, perspectives, and understanding.
It might be somewhat contradictory that relationship and external validation/disregard were thrown in the mix. The thing is no matter how much we might not want it, we naturally seek connection and external validation. It only becomes a problem when it is your only source of conviction or self-worth.
Sometimes you’re lucky and you create beautiful and long lasting relationships (be it platonic, romantic, biologic, etc) and other times, things do not work out and you struggle. The reason why relationships are an aspect of our identity is because right from when we were born, we’ve been forming different types of relationships with all sorts of people; you learn, grow, and sometimes even discover more about yourself through them. And these experiences add to your layers.
What makes these things worth tying your identity to is that you never truly lose them (with the exception of some relationships) because you can always rediscover, reinvent, or even change/upgrade them as you grow. You’d have to do a lot introspection and work on constant self awareness & acceptance to become comfortable with all the layers that your identity has.
Doing this won’t guarantee that you won’t struggle, but at least it will be with conviction and confidence in yourself to work things out and live your best life as much as you can.
What do you think?
If you come across this, please share your thoughts with me and let’s discuss.